While my husband and I are two halves to a one soul, our son completes us. We were married after a month of knowing each other. But it took us 13 years to have him. While we were learning everything we could about each other, being spontaneous and living free while everyone else was getting married and having kids right away, we took our time and enjoyed our life together. We always said we wouldn’t have a child while he was in the military because we’ve seen so many things happen to the children. Yes, I was a child of the military. I am blessed to have traveled the world and experiences so many things that most people haven’t. But there are things about that life that have hurt me, like not having a friend I could call my own since kindergarten, or even knowing how to make friends for fear I’d not have them very long, or even answering the simple question of “where are you from?”
The thing that got us most, though, was watching the soldier leave and his wife having a baby while he was gone. Or missing the first words, the first steps, all the firsts…. And then, we saw the ultimate sacrifice. This hurt our hearts so much. At least it did mine. I know it affected TheHubs too. But his was more fear of not knowing what to do. He grew up without a father. His family life was hard and cruel. And he was afraid he would not know how to be a dad. He voiced his fear many times, but I never understood it completely – especially after a few years of marriage, we already had our son’s name. I was comfortable in our DINK lifestyle.
It wasn’t until he deployed to Albania/Kosovo in 1999 that I started getting the urge. I remember My Cousin Vinny and that scene where his girlfriend is stomping in time to her biological clock.
Yeah, I guess that was me when I realized that if something were to happen to him while he was over there, I would have nothing that was truly his. Material things would be packed away and eventually faded from my mind. I did not have something that would last forever, a part of him and me, a child, if the ultimate sacrifice were to happen. That is the moment my heart and mind changed.
We started trying. Not trying hard at first. We were going to let it happen when God decided it was to happen.
And then, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer on September 11, 2001. He lost the lower lobe of his right lung. We went and spent about 3 weeks with my mom and dad while he had his surgery and recovered. Seeing him so frail and vulnerable was hard enough. But then, realizing his mortality and the fact that he might not ever see his grandchild made the urge greater. We tried and tried and tried. Nothing seemed to work. It was time to see the doctors. Eventually, we managed to become pregnant.
I was a mom. At first, I didn’t know how to feel. I actually suffered Postpartum Depression so my love didn’t start flowing until I got my brain chemistry set straight again. And now, I would not have changed it for the world! I love him with all my heart and soul. He is our son. A part of me. A part of TheHubs. He is our pride and joy. Even with the trials of parenting (which I wrote about here).
He’s not big on smiling, nor expressing emotion. I don’t understand why. But I will take all the small moments I get with him and cherish them.
Thank you to our lovely host, Lexa Cain for taking over and continuing the Celebrate the Small Things blog hop. I would also like to thank her co-hosts, L.G. Keltner @ Writing Off The Edge and Katie @ TheCyborgMom – without them, I’m sure this would be a daunting task!
To be part of this blog hop, all you have to do is put your name on the linky list on Lexa’s Blog, and then post every Friday about something you’re grateful for that week. It can be about writing or family or school or general life. This is the funnest and easiest blog hop ever! (Originated by VikLit)