I wrote about how I changed my outlook on life and dealing with my husband’s deployment a few weeks back, here. Now, I’d like to share with you how I am continuing my removal of the negative.
Why did it take another 15 years, from that pivital moment when I needed to surround myself with positive in order to get through the deployment, why did it take me so long to realize that I needed to evict the negative within myself? At the beginning of this year, I started this blog to work through my own emotions as a caregiver. I always told people to find the positives in every situation, no matter how small. I tried to live this myself. But I never realized until I fell into that deep, dark, pit of despair last year that I was listening to those negative voices in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t pretty, that I didn’t deserve anything good. The ones that stuck around, hidden in the shadows, since I was a young girl. They were really ugly to me during my teenage years. After I got married, they’d come and go. My self-image has always been negative, especially when I came down with a really bad case of adult acne. I tried all the stuff from the doctor, and never had any success. TheHubs has been with me almost 25 years now and he’s shown me so much love and understanding. He’s made me stronger and helped me learn to be confident. But there’s always that nagging little voice in the back of my head that says, “How could he love me?” And, last year everything got so overwhelming with the whole caregiver stress, exhaustion, and depression the voices screamed so loud I just couldn’t stop crying.
This year has been a journey of healing. Hopefully I’ve managed to squash those negative voices under my shoe. So far, they’ve only whispered every now and again. I know they’re there. I think they always will be. But I don’t have to listen to them. When they come around, I try to do something for others, to make someone smile and feel good. I write. So far, it’s been frustrating because my fiction writing has fallen by the wayside. But I still write. I write to heal. I write to share my experiences to help others who may think that no one would ever understand, who think they’re alone, to show them they are most certainly NOT ALONE. And I try to remember to breathe.
I’ve noticed a movement getting off the ground, gaining more momentum this year. Or, maybe I’m just a little late to the party. In either case, I am so happy to see this movement that is trying to raise our girls up and learn to love who they are. I only wish this had happened in my teenage years, so I wouldn’t be 45 years old still worried about my looks, still comparing myself to others, still thinking I’m not good enough. Now that I’m getting older, a mother, and putting on some weight, my self-image has gone to pot again.
I fell in love with Colbie Caillat’s Try Video because I’ve never been one to wear a lot of makeup, if at all. I’ve gone years and years without putting anything on my face, especially when I was hit with adult acne. I found Operation Beautiful and began leaving post-it notes around the town when I’m out and about. Also, check out The Mrs. Band who put together an experiment to help people see their beauty in a mall in Texas.
I’m on a crusade to change my perspective. And you should be too. Don’t let the media and Hollywood dictate to you what beauty is. Stand up and tell them what they are doing is detrimental to our health! That we are ALL beautiful, IN SPITE of our flaws.
What is Beauty? Beauty is intelligence, confidence, honesty, and compassion. Your heart is what makes you beautiful! Pretty isn’t beauty. Pretty is how you look. Beauty is who you are! Pretty is in the face and body. Beauty is in the mind, heart, and soul. Pretty fades. Beauty grows. If you let your heart and soul shine each day, you will be beautiful!
Meghan Trainer’s All About That Bass is the perfect message to retrain your brain. Tell your babies, tell yourself, don’t worry about your size, you’re perfect from your bottom to your top! Make sure you see the beauty within you. Check out my 30 days where I reflected the positive within myself. It was hard at first. REALLY HARD. But each day it got easier. And today, I found #IAmBraveAndBeautiful!
I hope you will join me. Share the love and the positive to everyone you see.
Keep smiling! You’re beautiful!