Monthly Archives: June 2014

Becoming Domestic — The Many Hats Series

Many HatsI’m so very sorry for being away for so long.

It’s been really hectic at work and by the time I get home, I’m exhausted. I’ve literally had to jump through flaming hoops to meet impossible deadlines after they took my help away and kept piling the work on without giving me my help back, on top of making the new deadlines even more impossible. By the time I get home, I’m exhausted. My new medication has me fighting sleep all day. I haven’t worked on my novel in over two weeks, let alone update my blog — and that makes me sad.

Now that I have a slight reprieve on those impossible deadlines, I’m going to try to get back to my writing.

In my first installment of my Many Hats Series, I spoke about being a daughter. I want to re-iterate that I will forever wear that hat. It’s not something you choose to be. However, the obligations, no…the love surrounding that hat is my choice to embrace.

Moving on, though.

The next set I want to address are quite a few wrapped up in a silk bow and presented to society as something called a “wife.”

Wife is not just one hat. We are lover, friend, and companion as well. The longer we are married, the better we become. You become a half of a whole. And only the other half makes you fills your heart and makes you complete. You become…

A better person. A better lover. A better friend. A better companion.

My husband was my strength. He taught me how to be more confident. He loved me for who I was and to him, I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He called me his soul mate right from the beginning. It took me a very long time to realize just how much I changed, how much I grew. And only now do I realize just how much he loves me. Nearly 25 years later and he loves me more than ever.

Add caregiving to the mix.

Now, the person who was my strength all those years, that took care of my heart and soul, that loved me and talked to me, that went out and did normal married couple things…that person now needed me for his strength and care. His chronic pain and PTSD took everything away from him. He is not the man I fell in love and married and taught me how to be better. He relies on me now. And being his wife, this is the greatest challenge to balance wife, lover, friend, companion, and caregiver.

I’ve seen so many families break up when caregiving comes into their life. Sometimes it’s unavoidable because one is unwilling to admit they need help, or they need more help than the spouse can give. Some people just give up because it’s too hard. But my vows are very clear. “for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” I may have said the last part during the ceremony but I’ve told him time and time again that I will love and cherish him until the end of time. Death will not stop my love.

I never thought anyone could love me the way I love. I guess I forget. I always wonder if anyone could really love me. I have always been hard on myself, thought I was imperfect and how could anyone even like me. Maybe I let the negative voices in my head drown out everything. There have been plenty of times when they screamed inside my head and I listened. I have been there too many times. And I thought, no one could love me like I needed to be loved. It must be the guilt instilled in me from birth that kept me from seeing the truth. But then something happened and I was reminded, just recently, of our love and how we complete each other.

I don’t know what I was searching for, or maybe I was cleaning out the mess beneath my bathroom sink. But when I pulled out my basket of hair stuff, I found a card my husband had given me, I don’t know when. I just sat there on the floor of the bathroom, reading and loving it so much.

A Card of Love 20140516_173332

“Of all the things I have done and regret, asking you to be my wife will never be one of them.”

Yup, you guessed it, it made me cry.

Of course I told him I found it and what it said. And of course, he said, “Absolutely true. I will never regret asking you. I love you.”

Then, a few days, maybe a week later, he showed me a video on YouTube. I’ve heard the song before and really like it. But he hadn’t heard it before. He said he heard it on the way to taking TheBoy to school and he thought of me and he sat in the car and cried. It was how he felt about me since the moment he met me.

And of course, it made me cry too.

But all these tears are happy tears. They are the little things that mean so much to the heart and to the soul. They are the positives we all need to find in our own lives. I am so glad to have found them and to share them with you. Because I know, if I share them, someone out there will be thinking about their own little pieces of positive. ❤

The wife hat is one I cherish. The caregiver hat is one I choose. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. All the pain, emotional and physical, it was meant to be. I love him and will be with him forever. And he loves me, deeply, and forever. And that’s all that matters.